I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
