If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
