Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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