you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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