you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
