I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
