3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
