I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
