Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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