If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
