like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
