did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
