The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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