do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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