I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
pray to the hookup gods
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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