Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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