Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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