i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize