Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
