i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
