I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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