Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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