Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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