You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
