Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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