Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
