We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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