You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
