i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
