Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
