well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
