Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As shirtless as possible
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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