I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
