you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
