I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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