Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
