Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
