Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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