Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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