Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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