and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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