Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
