they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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