I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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