You're my little dorito
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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