she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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