so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
