there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
