Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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