Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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