I faked an abortion last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
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Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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