Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
