totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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