please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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