I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize