I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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