Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
