Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
