you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
