I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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