We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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