Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
