My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
