forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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