Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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